I can’t even count how many times I’ve set a goal or committed to an important task, only to get stuck between perfecting the plan and actually starting. Sound familiar? Perhaps you even get started, but instead of making progress, you’re caught in a phone scroll loop, reorganizing the pantry (again), or debating whether now’s the time to go for a run or take a nap. If this hits close to home, you’re not alone.
There are three ways we get in our way and trip ourselves up: procrastination, unrealistic expectations, and sticking too tightly or too loosely to our plans. Often, we don’t realize we are doing it. The good news? Once you recognize what’s holding you back, you can take steps to break free and move forward.
Procrastination: Nope, you’re not lazy
When I procrastinate, it’s seldom about laziness. Usually, it’s fear wearing a clever disguise: fear of messing up, fear that I’m not good enough, or even fear of how much energy a task might take. Does it surprise you that laziness and procrastination are two different things?
You’re procrastinating if you make a plan and desire to accomplish it, but are delayed despite its importance. You may feel overwhelmed, distracted, or paralyzed by fear of failure, perfectionism, or the task itself. Laziness stems from disinterest, apathy, or a preference for comfort and leisure over productivity. A lazy person typically doesn’t plan or intend to take action.
Now that we can stop calling ourselves lazy, one or all of these four tips can help us move forward:
- Forget waiting for motivation. Motivation is sneaky; it often shows up after you start. I tell myself, “Just do 10 minutes.” Once I get going, it’s usually easier to keep going.
- Shrink the task. Big projects can feel overwhelming. Breaking them into smaller steps—so small they feel almost silly—makes starting much easier.
- Use a timer. Setting a timer for 15-25 minutes and then taking a break works wonders for my focus. It keeps me from feeling overwhelmed while still making progress.
- Cut the noise. I’ve learned to silence my phone, clear my desk, and do whatever I can to remove distractions. I may add headphones, a calming scented candle, or a healthy snack to supercharge my focus.
Unrealistic Expectations: Setting Ourselves Up for Stress
I’m a recovering perfectionist, and let me tell you, perfectionism loves to whisper lies. It says, “If you don’t do it just right, it’s not worth doing.” Sound familiar?
I’ve been known to make things harder than they need to be. My brain likes to “originate or enhance” tasks. Doing so captures my interest, but intensifies high expectations. The problem is, when we expect too much from ourselves, we end up feeling like we’re failing before we’ve even started. Here’s what’s helped me reframe this:
- Ask, “Is this doable?” Sometimes we expect superhuman results from our very human selves. Take a step back. Do you have the time, energy, and resources for what you’re asking of yourself? If not, adjust. Most likely, you’ll need a planner and a strategy to help you assess if your plan is doable. I can help you with this!
- Plan for the unexpected. Life happens, and it rarely goes exactly as planned. Giving yourself buffer time (or even a Plan B) can make all the difference. Know ahead of time what interruptions are distractions in disguise. I’ve learned that my teens can solve all kinds of problems when I let them! More on the “Plan B” in the next section of this article.
- Communicate your expectations. This is a hard one for me. If other people are involved, do they actually know what you’re hoping for? Have you drawn lines around what you can and will do? Clear, honest communication can save a lot of stress.
The Balance Act: Be Type A and Type B
There are two kinds of planners: those who stick unwaveringly to Plan A and those who need a Plan B, C, and D, often wavering between them. Sometimes, I can be rigidly committed to a plan that needs tweaking and adjusting. My inner critic tells me I’m copping out, being lazy, or making excuses to change gears.
Other times, I can overly rely on Plan B as my safe escape when the inner critic says I may fail, look silly, or let someone down if it doesn’t go perfectly. The key is recognizing our tendencies, especially when emotions are ramped up, to determine if they are helping us move forward or keeping us stuck.
- Take an assessment. Do you know your working and decision-making style? People-science assessments are helpful tools for reliable feedback. I recommend the DISC and Motivators assessments because the reports are easy to read and bring practical insights for personal and professional settings.
- Ask yourself what someone else would do. If you find yourself getting stuck while focusing on Plan A, consider what someone with an opposite personality style might do to move things forward. Alternatively, if you tend to get distracted by other options, think about what a “stickler” would recommend to keep you on track.
Change Takes Its Sweet Time
Here’s the truth I keep reminding myself: change isn’t instant. It’s messy, imperfect, and often frustrating. But each small step moves you closer to where you want to be.
If this feels overwhelming, you’re not alone. We often can’t see the blind spots holding us back when we’re too close to the situation. That’s why having an outside perspective—whether from a coach, a trusted friend or even through journaling—can make all the difference.
So, what’s one step you can take today? It doesn’t need to be huge; it just needs to be the right one for you. Start there.
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