Life is full of challenges, and conflict is inevitable. Whether it’s a disagreement with a spouse, a misunderstanding with a co-worker, or tension within an organization, we all face moments where opinions clash. Conflict, defined as a difference in opinion or purpose that hinders someone’s goals, can bring about growth and deeper understanding. However, it can also lead to negative outcomes, like stress, decreased productivity, and strained relationships.
For Christians, the Bible offers guidance on navigating conflict in a way that honors God, others, and ourselves. Yet, even with this wisdom, it’s easy to fall into unhealthy patterns of conflict avoidance or aggression. This can be especially true for women with ADHD, who may feel overwhelmed by emotional intensity or struggle with impulsivity during disagreements. Let’s explore these common responses and consider biblical, healthy ways we can engage in conflict that increase calm, self-compassion and more profitable outcomes.
Conflict Avoidance: Peacekeeping or Peacemaking?
Many of us have been taught from a young age that conflict is bad. The phrase “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all” reinforces this idea, suggesting that avoiding conflict keeps peace. But peacekeeping isn’t the same as peacemaking. While peacekeepers may stay quiet to avoid conflict, peacemakers actively work through disagreements, even when it’s uncomfortable.
For women with ADHD, avoiding conflict can stem from emotional overwhelm. ADHD brains often process emotions more intensely, making conflict feel particularly daunting. In an attempt to avoid this discomfort, women may suppress their own needs or opinions. While this may seem like the easier route, bottled-up feelings can lead to burnout or passive-aggressive behavior over time. For Christians, this avoidance can be mistaken for being Christ-like, but true peace comes from addressing issues, not ignoring them.
In leadership, avoiding conflict can seem appealing as it maintains a facade of harmony. Yet, avoiding difficult conversations can sacrifice integrity, ultimately creating more discord. A healthier response involves engaging in conflict when necessary, speaking the truth in love, and trusting God in the resolution.
Conflict Aggression: Defending the Truth or Losing the Person?
On the opposite end of the spectrum are those who aggressively confront conflict, often seeing disagreements as battles to win. While some Christians may feel called to stand firm for the truth, this can lead to damaging relationships in the process. Conflict becomes a competition, and in the pursuit of being right, they may lose the person.
For women with ADHD, impulsivity can play a role in aggressive conflict responses. Emotional dysregulation—common among people with ADHD—can make it difficult to pause and process before reacting. As a result, some women may respond too quickly, forcefully defending their position in the heat of the moment. While the intention may be to stand firm, the result can be damaged relationships and missed opportunities for understanding.
Embracing Imperfection: Everyone Makes Mistakes, and That’s Okay
One important thing to remember is that conflict, like any area of life, will not always go perfectly. None of us are immune to making mistakes in how we handle disagreements, and that’s completely normal. Women with ADHD may feel especially frustrated by this, as perfectionism can often drive an unrealistic expectation of handling things “just right.” But God doesn’t expect perfection from us—He simply wants us to try our best and learn from our experiences.
Mistakes in conflict don’t mean failure. In fact, missteps can often be the best teachers. If you respond too quickly or avoid a situation longer than you should, that’s okay. God’s grace is sufficient, and every conflict is an opportunity for growth. Romans 3:23 reminds us that “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” yet through Christ, we are forgiven and given the strength to try again.
Rather than seeing conflict mishaps as total failures, we can choose to see them as part of the learning process. Progress, not perfection, is the goal. For women with ADHD, this mindset can be especially freeing. It’s okay to pause, take a breath, and try again. What matters is that you are growing through the process and allowing God to guide you.
A Balanced Approach: Responding with Awareness
The key to managing conflict is self-awareness. Proverbs 18:2 says, “A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.” By recognizing our own conflict styles—whether avoidant or aggressive—we can begin to approach conflict in a healthier, more Christ-like manner.
For women with ADHD, self-awareness is even more essential. Understanding how ADHD influences your conflict style—whether avoiding conflict to manage overwhelm or reacting impulsively—allows you to pause and choose healthier responses. Conflict avoiders have strengths, like the ability to preserve relationships and yield their position for the greater good. However, they need to be encouraged to share their perspectives and trust that their voice matters. On the other hand, conflict aggressors bring valuable assertiveness and focus to the table, but they must learn to collaborate and value relationships over being right.
When we engage in conflict, it’s essential to remember that the goal is not to “win” but to seek understanding and resolution. By affirming shared goals and working toward mutual respect, we create a more collaborative environment where everyone’s voice is heard.
Embracing Conflict as Growth
As Benjamin Franklin wisely noted, “Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.” Conflict is a normal part of life, and when managed well, it can lead to growth, understanding, and deeper relationships.
For women with ADHD, navigating conflict may require extra care and self-awareness. By embracing strategies that work with your ADHD brain, such as pausing before reacting or creating space to process emotions, you can approach conflict with more clarity and grace. Most importantly, remember that no one should expect you to handle it perfectly, even yourself. Onward!