With ADHD Awareness Month upon us, it’s the perfect opportunity to ask, could the everyday struggles you’ve been pushing through actually be signs of ADHD that have gone unnoticed? The journey of discovering ADHD can be subtle, like following a breadcrumb trail of inklings, suspicions, and obvious clues that somehow got missed. It’s easy to dismiss the idea at first, especially when your “ADHD-ish experiences” are mixed with the everyday challenges that come with life. There are numerous reasons why women are the most underdiagnosed with ADHD, some we will cover here, as well as why understanding your ADHD even matters at all.
Is it me, or could this be ADHD?
One woman confessed, “I never felt like I fit in. Not just as a kid or teen, but even as an adult. I’d sit in staff meetings and feel like an outsider — like everyone else had read the script, and I was lost, still waiting for my lines.”
“I always knew my brain was different, but didn’t know why. I couldn’t do mental math. No matter how many hours I spent practicing, I’d still fail my Friday spelling tests. I couldn’t keep my desk clean. No matter how hard I tried, it felt like my brain wouldn’t cooperate. I was told to try harder, and I did. But still, my teachers thought I was lazy. My parents thought I was lying. I thought I was stupid.”
“I did OK at my job for the most part. But motherhood changed everything. Maybe it was the lack of structure or feeling trapped by nap schedules. I felt suffocated by the mundane tasks always waiting for me, but none gave me any sense of satisfaction or purpose. I knew they should, and that made me feel even worse.”
ADHD isn’t always easy to recognize, especially for adult women. But when the pieces finally start coming together, you realize that you weren’t failing—you were living with a brain wired differently. That moment of clarity can be the key to not only understanding yourself but also finding a path forward. So when the thought crosses your mind—”Maybe I have ADHD… that sounds like me”—it may feel like the first real moment of clarity in the fog. But then, ironically, it’s the very traits of ADHD—the doubt, the distraction, that voice inside saying, “Maybe I’m just lazy, unmotivated, or not trying hard enough”—that make it hard to take that thought seriously.
That’s the paradox of ADHD. The same struggles that make you wonder if there’s something different about your brain are the ones that make you doubt it. It’s easy to believe you’ve just been doing life wrong, rather than realizing ADHD has been part of the picture all along. We have to dismantle this resistance and do it now.
Discrediting & Dismissing Ourselves
For many women with ADHD, trusting their inner thoughts feels nearly impossible. Ironically, though, we give our inner critic too much credit. Paradoxical? Absolutely—but it’s a dynamic many ADHD women know all too well.
We trust that shame-filled voice telling us we’re forgetful, disorganized, or not smart enough. And when ADHD traits come up, that same voice is quick to undermine it: “You can’t use ADHD as an excuse. That’s just letting yourself off the hook.” The last thing most ADHD women want is to be seen as making excuses. We’ve spent a lifetime being told to stop doing just that. We care deeply about being honest about our shortcomings.
“I was telling the truth,” Mary recalls. “I often lost my homework or forgot it at home. But every time I explained what happened, I was met with frustration and told to stop making excuses.” Many ADHD women relate to this. We’ve been taught to own up to our actions, to not “pass the buck.” Over time, this leads us to internalize the blame, even when ADHD is behind the behaviors or habits we struggle with. We’ve come to hate the idea of shirking responsibility, so much so that the thought of embracing the ADHD label can feel like a cop-out.
On top of that, many of us struggle with perfectionism and people-pleasing. We feel pressure to overcompensate for our perceived shortcomings. Adopting the ADHD label feels risky—like it will create complacency in us. But what’s really happening is we’re denying ourselves the chance to understand our brains and give ourselves the grace we need and deserve. ADHD isn’t about excuses; it’s about clarity. It’s recognizing that we’re not lazy or incompetent—we’re navigating life with a brain that works differently. When we stop discrediting ourselves and start trusting ourselves, we open the door to real solutions, healthier thinking, and a kinder relationship with ourselves.
Misconceptions about ADHD
There’s no shortage of myths about ADHD, and even a handful can be enough to make us resist the idea of fitting into a box that feels limiting, confining, and even embarrassing. Here are some of the most common misconceptions:
- ADHD is made up without scientific proof.
This myth suggests that ADHD is a fabricated condition, something people use as an excuse for laziness or lack of discipline. In reality, ADHD has been extensively researched and recognized by leading medical organizations like the American Psychiatric Association and the World Health Organization. Brain imaging studies have even shown differences in the structure and function of ADHD brains compared to neurotypical ones. - ADHD comes from a busy, overstimulated lifestyle.
While modern life can be hectic, ADHD isn’t a product of screen time or a busy environment. It’s a neurodevelopmental disorder that affects how the brain regulates attention, impulse control, and executive function. This means that while a fast-paced lifestyle may exacerbate ADHD symptoms, it doesn’t cause the condition itself. - Kids sometimes have it, but they outgrow it in adulthood.
One of the most persistent myths is that ADHD is only a childhood issue. While symptoms can change as people grow, many continue to experience ADHD into adulthood. In fact, undiagnosed adults often learn to mask their symptoms, but the struggles—difficulty with focus, forgetfulness, and impulsivity—don’t simply go away. - ADHD means being hyper, talkative, and outgoing, so it can’t be me.
Many people think ADHD is all about hyperactivity, but it shows up differently in everyone. Women, in particular, often present with inattentiveness, disorganization, or forgetfulness rather than being overtly hyper or impulsive. Just because you don’t fit the stereotypical image of ADHD doesn’t mean it’s not part of your experience. - Even if I am ADHD, focusing on it now won’t change anything.
Another myth is that it’s too late to address ADHD in adulthood, especially for those who’ve already learned coping strategies. But understanding ADHD—no matter your age—can help unlock solutions, self-compassion, and tools that improve your quality of life. It’s not about labeling yourself; it’s about giving yourself the chance to thrive by recognizing the way your brain works.
These misconceptions often get in the way of us following the breadcrumbs and connecting the dots that can open the door to understanding ourselves much better.
The fear of another “failure”
For many women, the thought of exploring ADHD is paralyzing. We avoid it because the fear of another potential failure is just too overwhelming. We’ve already spent so much time feeling like we’re falling short. How will we process an ADHD diagnosis? What will it mean for our lives? The idea of going through medical appointments, discussing symptoms, and potentially starting medication can feel like opening a door to a new set of problems. It’s not just the fear of the unknown, but the dread of what comes next: a list of changes we’re supposed to make. Changes that feel like just another set of expectations we might fail to meet.
Getting an ADHD diagnosis or acknowledging a self-diagnosis can feel like stepping into more pressure, not less. You think, “Now I’m obligated to fix myself. But what if I can’t?” Instead of relief, you imagine more shame, more unsolvable problems to obsess over—more things you’ll feel responsible for but won’t be able to accomplish.
And then there’s the social aspect. How will my family respond? Will they understand or just think it’s another “excuse”? Should I tell my friends, coworkers, or boss? The idea of having to explain or justify a diagnosis to others adds a whole new layer of stress. What if they don’t believe me? What if they think less of me
Knowledge is indeed power
All of this makes it easier to just not look at ADHD at all. The diagnosis feels like it could bring more challenges than solutions, and after years of fighting to keep things together, the thought of adding more weight to carry feels unbearable. But the truth is, avoiding the diagnosis can keep us stuck in patterns that continue to drain us.
Facing ADHD isn’t about adding more to your plate. It’s about understanding why things have felt so hard for so long. It’s about giving yourself the grace to see your struggles through a compassionate lens and realizing that seeking support isn’t admitting failure—it’s permitting yourself to live with more clarity, more kindness, and more ease.
Why push through the tangled web of self-perceptions, long-held beliefs, ADHD stigma, and deeply ingrained habits? Why even entertain the idea of looking at your ADHD? Is it worth the effort? Understanding your ADHD opens up a world of possibility—one where you’re finally able to see yourself more clearly and work with who you are in a successful and rather rewarding way. It’s not about a diagnosis or a label, but learning how you’re not broken after all.
And be assured, it isn’t about finding excuses or brushing off responsibility. It’s not about slapping a label on your struggles or lowering expectations. The quest is one of freedom and peace. It’s about understanding how ADHD affects your life so that you can finally unshackle the weight you’ve been carrying—the weight of trying to be “good enough” and fitting into the wrong box.
When you understand your ADHD, you uncover a path to living with intention, joy, and self-compassion. The self-doubt, the relentless perfectionism, the shame that has clung to your every move—it starts to fall away. And in its place, you’ll find a sense of empowerment, knowing that you’re no longer fighting against yourself. Instead, you’re working with your brain, fully embracing the brilliant, creative, determined person you’ve always been.
Yes, there’s work ahead, but here’s the truth: if you have ADHD, you already know how to work hard. You’re probably one of the hardest-working people in the room! You’ve faced challenges before, and here you are—still standing. Resilient, creative, and relentless in the face of adversity. But here’s the catch—you can’t succeed when you’re following the wrong playbook. And life works much better when we work with our brains.
Where is your breadcrumb trail leading you? What’s your next step in better understanding (or even accepting) your brilliant, ADHD brain? I specialize in women with a late diagnosed or undiagnosed ADHD, and together we uncover and magnify what makes you shine. Your mission matters, and so do you.
If you’d like to get more clarity on where you are in your own life and journey, Click the “FREE CONSULTATION” button and schedule a time to connect and explore in a safe and welcoming space.